tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
