so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
