What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
