When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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