Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize