i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
