At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
