My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i barfeds in our rink
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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