just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize