I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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