I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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