meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
a search helicopter?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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