This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
