I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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