I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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