Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
