Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You can't special order awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
