So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
