I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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