I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
