Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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