No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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