What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
