why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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