farters have to be the big spoon...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
