My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We left the knife in your bed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
