So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We smell like vodka and hangover
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
