he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Houston, we have a blender
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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