I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
