Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
