Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
