She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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