Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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