I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
