Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
