Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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