Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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