I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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