I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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