You're so nebulous sometimes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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