we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
