i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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