Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
