I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize