do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
