I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
