At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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