i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
