my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Mom said you looked used
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
