"it" just moved
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
not ubering you a puppy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
