Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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