Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
