I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
