Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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