Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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