Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
