his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
