One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The ass gains better be worth it
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