I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
