??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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