I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize