WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
