Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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