so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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