I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
